During our lifetime, often we come across situations, which we are unable to tackle. We are scared to accept the consequences, and are reluctant to face our society. We are struck up in life, with no way out. Some people resort to committing suicide, which is no solution; it is running away from the problem. No problem is insurmountable. There is a way out always.
A case study
* A spouse refuses to reconcile after a recurring domestic fight. "Enough is enough. No more reconciliation, only to quarrel again! Let me isolate myself from him, as we stay together - for children sake or as long as there is no better alternative.", she thought.
* There is no adultery involved, and there is no dishonesty or money manipulation. Relationship is on shaky grounds, as she is too possessive about the relationship, and insists her husband to give secondary status to in-laws. He is keen to continue warm relationship with parents and siblings. He believes: it is possible to be loyal, and loving to the spouse as well as the siblings and parents. He was handing over his salary to her, and she managed his finances for 20 years after marriage. He shunned any interference from his parents in his married life.
* The scenario changed after that. She started a small business, which was successful, and flourished. Her earnings were more than his earnings. She was financially self-reliant and the negative impact of feminism creeped in. She was capable of facing society on her own and he was no longer indispensable.
* Her priority was her business. He has retired from his job. They couldn't have lunch together. He couldn't share his thoughts of his ageing parents with her, as she was not interested. A friend supported her, and told her,"He is always going to be mama's boy. Leave him." The ego clash could never be amicably resolved.
* The unresolved issue resulted in lack of warmth in the relationship, and the spouses were drifting apart. They pretended to present a pleasant facade of a happy family in social circles.
* He tried to bring harmony in the family, to stop degeneration in relationship. However, she was in no mood to reconcile and was determined to teach him a lesson. Time was running out for them. He was 70 and she was 65. What a tragic finale to a 4-decades-old married life! Well, they didn't divorce. They continued to stay together, as incompatible, un-divorced spouses.
Analysis
* Let bygones be bygone.
Spouses could have forgiven and forgotten the past hurts, they caused to each other, but they didn't. They could have accepted each other, as they were, and not insisted on 'changing' each other to suit and match with their values of life.
* Failure to lead the family
Parents provide leadership to their children as they are growing. When the children are grown up, they should continue to do so. But, if the parents are tied up, with their own ego clashes, they degenerate their role as the guiding mentors, in the family.
* Who suffers!
The World carries on, as usual. Both the spouses lived mechanically, a cold life. A little warmth, flexible attitude could have made all the difference in their lives. They find their parents, siblings, and children are leading their lives as usual, comfortably, and only they are suffering. They created the problems and onus lies on them to solve.
* A universal phenomenon
The only consolation is: they are not 'alone'; majority of couples in the World, either divorce, or continue to live like this. They prefer to live in unhappiness, but will not shed the egos, to live in harmony.
A possible solution out of virtual world
What would have happened, if God has called, back one of them? 65 or 70 is a ripe age, with high probability of normal 'call back by God'.
* They can thank God, for giving them longer life, but try to live as if the other partner doesn't matter, and live rest of their lives happily. Learn to ignore, the unpleasant. It helps.
* The only road block to this solution is: they still face each other in the same house. This is the price, they have to pay for their rigidity in life - lack of tolerance of each other, and inability to forget and forgive each other.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/9303957
A case study
* A spouse refuses to reconcile after a recurring domestic fight. "Enough is enough. No more reconciliation, only to quarrel again! Let me isolate myself from him, as we stay together - for children sake or as long as there is no better alternative.", she thought.
* There is no adultery involved, and there is no dishonesty or money manipulation. Relationship is on shaky grounds, as she is too possessive about the relationship, and insists her husband to give secondary status to in-laws. He is keen to continue warm relationship with parents and siblings. He believes: it is possible to be loyal, and loving to the spouse as well as the siblings and parents. He was handing over his salary to her, and she managed his finances for 20 years after marriage. He shunned any interference from his parents in his married life.
* The scenario changed after that. She started a small business, which was successful, and flourished. Her earnings were more than his earnings. She was financially self-reliant and the negative impact of feminism creeped in. She was capable of facing society on her own and he was no longer indispensable.
* Her priority was her business. He has retired from his job. They couldn't have lunch together. He couldn't share his thoughts of his ageing parents with her, as she was not interested. A friend supported her, and told her,"He is always going to be mama's boy. Leave him." The ego clash could never be amicably resolved.
* The unresolved issue resulted in lack of warmth in the relationship, and the spouses were drifting apart. They pretended to present a pleasant facade of a happy family in social circles.
* He tried to bring harmony in the family, to stop degeneration in relationship. However, she was in no mood to reconcile and was determined to teach him a lesson. Time was running out for them. He was 70 and she was 65. What a tragic finale to a 4-decades-old married life! Well, they didn't divorce. They continued to stay together, as incompatible, un-divorced spouses.
Analysis
* Let bygones be bygone.
Spouses could have forgiven and forgotten the past hurts, they caused to each other, but they didn't. They could have accepted each other, as they were, and not insisted on 'changing' each other to suit and match with their values of life.
* Failure to lead the family
Parents provide leadership to their children as they are growing. When the children are grown up, they should continue to do so. But, if the parents are tied up, with their own ego clashes, they degenerate their role as the guiding mentors, in the family.
* Who suffers!
The World carries on, as usual. Both the spouses lived mechanically, a cold life. A little warmth, flexible attitude could have made all the difference in their lives. They find their parents, siblings, and children are leading their lives as usual, comfortably, and only they are suffering. They created the problems and onus lies on them to solve.
* A universal phenomenon
The only consolation is: they are not 'alone'; majority of couples in the World, either divorce, or continue to live like this. They prefer to live in unhappiness, but will not shed the egos, to live in harmony.
A possible solution out of virtual world
What would have happened, if God has called, back one of them? 65 or 70 is a ripe age, with high probability of normal 'call back by God'.
* They can thank God, for giving them longer life, but try to live as if the other partner doesn't matter, and live rest of their lives happily. Learn to ignore, the unpleasant. It helps.
* The only road block to this solution is: they still face each other in the same house. This is the price, they have to pay for their rigidity in life - lack of tolerance of each other, and inability to forget and forgive each other.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/9303957
